Dumped!

About a month ago, a comment in the forum from a fellow-participant of a writing programme jumped out at me: ‘My agent, who has had my book on sub for two years and sent it like to six people has finally decided to quit the industry entirely.’

I shared it with a local writer-friend. While we discussed how we’d counsel her if she were seated in front of us, I also shared my mother’s advice when something similar happened to me, especially when one of the emotions mentioned in the said forum was grief.

“Wallow, but only for a bit.”

You see, sometime in 2010 (I think – I forget, now), an agent had accepted the manuscript for The Age of Smiling Secrets and we signed a contract. When publishers were keen-but-not-keen, I suggested we stop submitting and consider reworking the novel. A few days after Christmas 2012, I received an email that shocked me to the core. Let me set the scene for you.

I was seated opposite my mother at our dining table, busy downloading my emails. My dachshund, Ladoo, sat on the floor next to my mother’s feet, desperately hoping Mummy would accidentally (or intentionally) drop a peanut for her consumption. The email from the agent came through letting me know that our contract was unilaterally terminated because I’d not agreed to fundamentally change the novel (more about my reasons why below). I understood the depth of my shock when Ladoo, who sensed my incredible sadness, abandoned her desire for peanuts and came to me and demanded I take her onto my lap. She allowed me to hold on tight in similar fashion as when an ex left. This is why I gave this piece the title of ‘Dumped’. So, yes, the grief is real – grief for this lost business relationship, or one that could have flourished had it been given a chance.

Observing the change that came over me, my mother asked for an explanation. When she understood what had come to pass, she told me to allow myself to feel the sadness. I was allowed to cry, be frustrated and wallow for a bit.

“Feel the fear and do it anyway.”

When most romantic relationships end, the advice that many will give (which I’ve observed is mostly from men, incidentally) is that one should ‘move on’. My question is, ‘Move on from what?’ This is especially when one hasn’t had such a deep relationship with another, or a relationship at all. I prefer the advice my mother gave me: “Once you’ve finished wallowing, feel the fear and do it anyway.”

Back to my story with the agent. When I was dumped, I was scared to submit the manuscript to anyone else. I didn’t want to do the whole do-your-research-and-submit because this presupposed that I hadn’t done my research before. Also, wasn’t there a popular saying that ‘insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?’ So, I dilly-dallied and did nothing to move The Age of Smiling Secrets along on its publication journey.

By chance, I happened to read Salman Rushdie’s Joseph Anton and the part of the text that stayed with me was his experience submitting a manuscript to agents / publishers. He was asked to significantly alter one of his manuscripts to such an extent that the story would change entirely. They did this to him? To Salman Rushdie? Keep in mind that, by this time, he was already a much-celebrated Booker Prize winner. Let me repeat: they did this to him?

If they could do this to him, it had to come as no surprise they could do it to me.

So, I decided to take a little time out and find a new way to make this manuscript appeal to others. It’s at this moment that I also benefitted from the kindness of strangers. A subscriber to my newsletter at the time suggested that I contact Jericho Writers. Cut long story short, I worked with Debi Alper, joined a self-edit course and learnt the magic that is psychic distance.

Meanwhile, ‘life’ happened and publication of the novel took a back seat. By March 2013, Ladoo died and soon after that, one after another, uncles, aunts and friends passed away with the last being my father in 2016. In 2017, by sheer chance, I saw a call for submissions from the Commonwealth Foundation about stories from descendants of indenture. I took a chapter out of the novel, edited it and submitted the story. When it was published, my confidence was bolstered. I approached a local publisher and they agreed to help me self-publish it. By October 2018, we launched The Age of Smiling Secrets.

“Choose the advice to follow”

This advice was, perhaps, the single-most important thing my mother said. Meaning, remember what I said about how Rushdie was treated? Well, let’s return to my novel and I’ll share three of the pieces of advice from highly regarded, award-winning agents /editors which didn’t make any sense at the time, and still don’t.

1.     “No one cares what the Malaysian (or Asian) reader thinks.”

2.     “You must follow what I say if you want publishers to accept your manuscript.”

3.     “Agents and publishers don’t consider manuscripts entered into (or those that win) writing contests.

As is obvious, I ignored a lot of the advice given, the most important one being to change my story in a fundamental way. Briefly, The Age of Smiling Secrets explores the story of a woman who loses her child because her husband converts to Islam and, without her knowledge or consent, converts their child as well. The laws of the land allow for this. I was asked to make the focus of my novel a courtroom scene where the mother prevents this from happening. From a character-driven novel, it would become a plot-driven one. Worse, fellow lawyers would laugh at me. The reality is that the aggrieved parent doesn’t know that a conversion has taken place and only learns of this after the fact.

So, when I approached Jericho Writers for help, I asked a specific question: “Can you help me make the story I am trying to tell better resonate with my readers?” Debi Alper was compassionate enough in her editing of the novel that I got to tell the story in a way that made me happy.

I narrated this entire story of what happened with the agent during one of my panels at the Asian Literary Festival in Brussels. One in the audience stated that, in standing my ground, I had integrity. Perhaps. The truth of the matter is that I wouldn’t have been able to sleep had I done what was initially demanded of me. While The Age of Smiling Secrets didn’t end up being represented by a UK agent or published there, I am proud that it was shortlisted for Anugerah Buku 2020 organised by the National Library of Malaysia. Furthermore, in 2025, it was translated into Bahasa Indonesia under a new title ‘Rahasia di Sebalik Senyuman’.

That’s a good outcome, no?

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• Asian Literary Festival in Brussels: https://brussels.theasianliteraryfestival.com

• The Age of Smiling Secrets by Aneeta Sundararaj (https://aneetasundararaj.com/books-by-aneeta/the-age-of-smiling-secrets)

• Rahasia di Sebalik Senyuman by Aneeta Sundararaj (alitra, 2025): https://alitra.id/publikasi/rahasia-di-balik-senyuman/ 

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Aneeta Sundararaj is an award-winning short story writer. To know more about her work, visit http://www.howtotellagreatstory.com and http://aneetasundararaj.com